I feel very lucky to have the support of my friends and also my online blogger family 🙂
Sorry guys I’ve been a bit AWOL, I should utilise this blog more, the last comments on my past blog post made me feel really warm. Thanks guys, I really appreciate it. I know that we are all in the same boat, sometimes it’s hard not to feel lonely. But I appreciate the kind words A LOT. I shouldn’t forget, although I have done so, even though I may feel like I have no-one to talk to, I have this to just share what I’m thinking about. And that is a massive help. Quick update because a full one would be AMAZINGLY LONG – although this one may be as well. My last term of uni is over :(, even though I despised it initially, I can look back and say absolutely no regrets at all. Because there are always things that you wish had gone differently, but no regrets right? I’m looking forward. Exams start at the end of April =S, but I finish early-ish, so hopefully since loan will roll in, will plan a graduation trip with friends, then the ball then gosh – what to do next? Slightly worrying, but I kind of like that things aren’t planned. This recession is obviously a worry, but I’ve always known I’m not a corporate kind of person who would apply for a graduate program (or is it programme?). I am applying for a masters for next autumn 2010, so I have a year to build up experience, work, travel, GEEETT MOOONNNEEEYYY!!! Money is always a worry, I am dead poor at the moment, I started weeping on the table last night, with 2 of my good friends, I didn’t realise how upset I was until the tears started rolling. And the waitress looked at my friends accusingly as if they had made me cry. Which they didn’t, I was touched by their kindness. I was starving but had no money, so my friends shared their dinner with me. And then they told me I was silly for thinking that I was a sponger. But it is a bit humiliating to have to rely on the good nature of others. But as one of my friend’s succintly put it – ‘You’d do the same for us’ which is true. So pride comes before a fall. My medication got increased by 50mg, so I’m now on 150mg of Setraline. I first was a bit down as I thought it was a step backwards, but as my psychiatrist explained, it is pretty much a standard dose, and being a finalist, I am under a lot of stress so I need a helping hand. And it has helped, and I do feel positively about it. I received an extension on my final project because of the whole depression thing obviously, but also my dad has been ill and I was really really stressed about it, because he didn’t tell anyone. He had a lump removed from his arm. He’s fine now, but as soon as you hear ‘lump’ you think cancer. I always worry a lot about my dad, he is a lot older than other my friend’s fathers and seems to be quite tired and ill these days. 🙁 I also got involved in my uni’s charity fashion show, it was a LOT of stress, but I would definately say it was all worth it. I loved every minute of it, I’m a really creative person, and just doing the sketches (even though I can’t draw) and styling and getting everything together was amazing. It is definately something I’d love to incorporate into my future career. I dressed eighteen models and coordinated my own section and it was very well received. And I met loads of great people and it was by far one of the best experiences I’ve ever had. Goals for this month – get to it, and focus. Be frugal (nothing new), remember to relax, even by reading a magazine, or doodling, or a gossip with a friend. And remember that I’m in charge of what happens to me. I read something recently, and I wrote a note and stuck it on my wardrobe so I can see it every night before I go to bed. It’s a great way of positive thinking. Every night before you go to sleep, think of 3 things that made you happy today. They don’t have to be major things, maybe it’s catching the train on time, or smiling at a really fit stranger (I wish!). And it has helped me. So much. It reminds me even though things aren’t great, I can count my blessings.

Comments Posted

Comment by Tomas posted on Fri, 17/04/2009 15:44

Hey Anala. I just thought I forgot to say that it’s good to hear about you having achieved an understanding with your mother. It’s nice to see someone actually being happy because of these, um, parental bonds. I can’t even remember a time when I heard someone say: “Hey, I like my Mom and I’m happy”. All people do is complain about their family, really. As for the part about financial struggles – take this – the purest water is one that gets to the surface of the Earth through sand and rock and all that. You think it did you any good? Cos I think that if it weren’t for these hard times you wouldn’t be the person people like today.

Comment by Tomas posted on Wed, 08/04/2009 15:33

Note idea?

Comment by Tomas posted on Wed, 08/04/2009 15:30

Wehey!!!!! Jedai strikes back! See, your parents are cool. You’re cool. It’s hereditary) Like sex. If your parents didn’t have it, chances are, you won’t. Omg what am I talking about?! I’m just happy for you.

Comment by Anala posted on Wed, 08/04/2009 08:01

Hey Tomas, randomly enough, when I thought my money situation couldn’t get any worse, my mum gave me a cheque to cover my rent, bills, groceries etc this month. I was so shocked, because not only did she say I didn’t have to pay her back (I’m going to though) but she actually heard something I was saying. I briefly mentioned the night before, in response to something my sister said about my dire financial situation, the next day she gave me the money. She said I could have as much as I wanted, whenever I needed it. When I asked her why she did it, she said far be it from her to let any of her children suffer, my mum is going through a financial rough patch at the moment (unfortunately so are we all) but I was so touched. She said she didn’t want me to worry and that I should focus on what’s important, my exams. I felt very touched, and blessed I guess at that moment, I would have never asked her, and she knew how much I was worried. That was very kind of her, and increased my respect of her quadruple fold. 🙂

Comment by Charlie posted on Tue, 07/04/2009 21:56

*resolves to try that note idea as soon as he’s back at uni*

Comment by Tomas posted on Sat, 04/04/2009 15:04

Lolllll! Check out the size of that post!

Comment by Tomas posted on Sat, 04/04/2009 15:04

Warning: post contains offensive material. Hey, taking girl’s shopping away is pretty low…I’m not sure how parents come into this? If @ all? Cos, I think, you’re far from being old and that’s what they’re kind of supposed to do – support, etc, maybe not with money, but perhaps they could have a shot at making you a little more relaxed? Because there’s no-one like them, allegedly…My Mom’s not been terribly enthusiastic about the whole mom thing – well, she was to begin with but I came out to be a huge disappointment and consequently disowned. Yours gotta do better than that, right? Cos I don’t think it can get any worse. I know yours are pretty intense – for one I really don’t get it how you can entertain the notion of there not being such a thing as depression while living in the world. I’m guessing they can really weird you out sometimes, huh? I’m sorry if I come across as patronizing…Where I come from it is believed that you’re better off having a go and maybe get rejected, maybe not, but at least you’d know. I know the more forward people in the UK believe in naturality too, but nowhere near to the same extent, believe me. So tell me if you want me to bugger off 😀 Right. Your support network sucks. Your parents are not aware of everyone needing to be helped sometimes. And they should be. People telling you to snap out of it – that’s pathetic. You know how you can judge people’s character by the way they treat people they don’t need to treat well? Well, make your own conclusions if you like but people like that I’d rather not be associated with, if I were you, no? Generally I go through life appalled by how poor communication between people is. I mean, some people are perceptive, but how many people just don’t think for themselves, left alone others? And how many people live with things they really should have and would like to share but does anyone listen? People get introspective, that’s the problem. That’s why we have to create websites like this one. Because we don’t feel comfortable talking to each other. If you are reading this then this warning is for you. Every word you read of this useless fine print is another second off your life. Don’t you have other things to do? Is your life so empty that you honestly can’t think of a better way to spend these moments? Or are you so impressed with authority that you give respect and credence to all who claim it? Do you read everything you’re supposed to read? Do you think everything you’re supposed to think? Buy what you’re told you should want? Get out of your apartment. Meet a member of the opposite sex. Stop the excessive shopping and masturbation. Quit your job. Start a fight. Prove you’re alive. If you don’t claim your humanity you will become a statistic. You have been warned…… Tyler (Fight Club) Ok, I digressed a little bit…Er, anyway, back to the blog. …You should be commended for your drive and confidence, that you made it so far and that you’re still sane, Anala. And a little bit of sun never hurt anybody, right? As long as you don’t come back home lobster-shaded)

Comment by Anala posted on Sat, 04/04/2009 03:41

Hey! Thanks so much for the comment Tomas, means a lot to me. I’ve been stressing out so much, I’m really worried about work and exams, but just gotta knuckle down as my sister says. Being extremely frugal at the moment, my only joys come out of walking to the supermarket, ha. But I live near the river, and a park, so it’s sunny out, when I need a break I just go for a little wander with myself, and just soak up some Vitamin D, hey with this country you never know when the rain will start pouring! I am indeed grateful that there are all of us here sharing (sounds so cheesy), but it’s nice to know that I’ve got somewhere to sound off, and to just hear what others are going through as well, as similar and dissimilar to what it might be. I just need to knuckle down and work work work. My mum has offered to loan me some money for this month, so that should be good. Alas, if only I was a rich Upper East Sider (GG reference!) Guess with my family, just make the most of it, and be the best I can for them. Health wise, just help them avoid stress and eat healthily, which isn’t an issue thankfully. I’ve always say the glass as half-empty actually =p, the whole thing about you’re a cynic if it’s half-empty is complete rubbish to me, half of the drink’s gone, the glass is half empty, so fill it up!

Comment by Tomas posted on Mon, 30/03/2009 20:39

I’m flattered with the family thing…I just wanna say that I share your ideology, if I did grasp it correctly, all the way. I remember these words, that suit the situaion and are similar to what you said. I think they’re from One Tree Hill. It doesn’t get said much better than this, I think. “Don’t look back, the past over and done with. Don’t worry about the future – there’s no sense in worrying about something that may not happen. Live now and make now so beautiful that you will remember it forever.” I’m sorry that you have to go through the money thing – or the lack of it. I’m sorry to overwhelm with quotations today but there’s another one – this time from “Becoming Jane”…”Nothing destroys character like poverty”…hopefully there will be not much more of this…ultimately ways of finding things you like are multiple, and often they lie on or very close to the surface, but we choose to pass them by…I would advise an analytical approach even though I am aware of sounding like a dickhead. For what it’s worth, I really wish I could help. The father thing is additional pressure…just what you need…I think I can kinda relate to that because my both grandparents are old…And where I come from life expectancy is 53, they’re 17 years beyond that…my stepdad’s 57…my Dad’s come out of the hospital recently with hepatitis…my Mum’s constantly ill with one thing or another…Everyone but me seems to be sliding down with their claws leaving scratches on a smooth surface… As much as I encouraged them to start with the fitness, they wouldn’t…. I dunno…what do you do? And with a little more concrete stuff. Sounds like your plans are pretty solid…although that may not be the first impression…but they are there, and that’s saying something…mostly what I get from people is – well, I’ll finish Uni and then who knows? You’ve got to admit your plans have planning to them and that’s good 😀 The glass is half full, right?