It’s been a hard month — and it’s only getting harder.

I’ve had some serious ups and downs lately….more drastic than before.  I’ve had some amazing things happening in my life balanced out with some caustic devastation….It’s been a hard month.

I leave in a couple days to go home and see my family…I haven’t been home in 16 months…it feels surreal.  I think what bothers me most, other than the obvious that I will have to leave my children again, is that I’m not the same person I was when I left….The addage is true — you can’t go home again.

Nothing is the same.

The one thing I could truly count on in my life is now gone, and today, I find myself wondering how I will ever cope.  I feel more alone now than I ever have before.  It’s a terrifying feeling really.  And today, it’s overwhelming.

I try to remind myself why I’m here — so far from home — and what I’m going to have at the end of this torturous journey — most days I know the price is worth it…today, I doubt it all.

I know there is no ‘winning’ in this battle against depression — there’s only peace treaties that last for fleeting pieces of time — and today, the tribes are restless.  I feel things — too much.



Comments Posted

Comment by Iona posted on Thu, 12/11/2009 15:40

Hang in there Alma,  I’m sorry You’ve had a lot of difficult things to deal with lately.  Will be thinking of you while you’re at home.

Love Iona

Comment by Greta posted on Thu, 05/11/2009 23:02

*Hug* Tomorrow will be better!