So I saw my boyfriend for the first time in months…and felt numb the whole time he was here.
So, I saw my boyfriend for the first time in months. I was really looking forward to seeing him, but noticed even before he arrived that I wasn’t all that keen on him coming. I’m in full exam revision mode at the moment and don’t take distractions well!
But alas, he came up. It has been more than a few months since we last saw one another. To put it mildly, I was just counting the minutes until the weekend was over! I felt like he was a burden, messing up my usual life schedule and I realised just how much our distance has made us grow apart. I saw the man that I’ve been with for years and loved, but I saw him as more of a friend and less of a boyfriend this past weekend. I didn’t even want to have sex with him to be honest. It was just weird.
It doesn’t help that I had someone else on my mind. I met this guy a few weeks ago. He’s smart, motivated, well-educated, a lot of fun to be around and pretty good-looking. He also has a great sense of humour and generally liked by all. We hit it off really well. I know he likes me. I know I like him. So while my boyfriend was here I can’t help but admit that I was thinking of this other guy all weekend.
I realise that because I’ve not seen my bf for so long that we were both likely to change. But to be honest i think the change has been happening for some time and extends beyond these past few months. My boyfriend seems to want a life where he can go and travel anywhere without thinking of me. He wants to speak 100 languages and do 100 holidays a year. He’s happy living with £10 in his pocket. I want much of that, too (well, not the last big – I need a bit more than £10 to my name). But what I really want is someone to come home to at night. Someone who wants and longs to be around me more than I see my boyfriend now. I want someone who I can build a life with and who will want children one day.
So yeah, I’m in a pickle. Do I stay. Do I go? I think I’ll chat with my bf about my conerns and see what he thinks.
I shall keep everyone posted.
Oh, and I’m still in exam revision hell. It’s going alright. I have more to read now actually. Best of luck to everyone taking exams at the minute.
Comment by Lucy posted on Tue, 18/05/2010 16:46
I dont really know what to say. But to me it does sound like you and your boyfriend have just drifted apart. I think the fact you like someone else is a key indication of this. I’m not saying that you need to go off with this other guy but it is a sign that you no longer feel the same way about your current boyfriend. From my previous relationships I have seen a guy not want to have sex with me and it always happens before they say “sorry I just don’t feel the same way anymore…ur like my best friend.” The fact you can’t have sex may be an indication that this relationship is coming to an end. I know especially with my first boyfriend I knew I didn’t love him because sex with him and the thought of it just made me feel dirty and like i was just using him. I would talk to your boyfriend about it because he may feel the same and either you can work on it or split amicably. I hope it all works out and that your exams go ok! x