I Promise, Not A Hypochondriac!
Currently listening to *Katy Perry: Part of Me*…
“Days like this I Want To Drive Away” is the opening lyric of this song and almost perfectly sums up my feelings right now.
The anxiety we all face during exams is normal, for those of us who suffer with depression, its just another tonne of bricks on top of an already unbearable weight.
I want to run and i want to hide…But i know this isn’t a possibility.
So, im trying to find ways to move past this feeling and get back on top, seriously, my life feels like a rollercoaster.
I’ll start at the beginning, i have another health issue, its basically a red scab like rash on the top of my thighs which i think might just be shaving rash but then it could be something far more serious, so despite my fear of the doctors, I’ve decided to go in t-minus 4 hours and 18 mins, since im pretty much an insomniac. Fingers crossed that its not something serious.
(i know this isn’t a major thing, but i just needed to write it down)
Back to the main point of this blog, i want to run and hide… and this is basically because i got everything i wanted at university.
At college, i was always average, never the one to beat and before arriving to university, I promise myself that i would become one of the students to beat and i did it….Not being arrogant, which it certainly sounds like.
I’ve been doing some revision, no where near enough to what i think i should be doing and nearly all the people who i talk to, seem so convinced that im doing brilliantly, and that im going to get a first.
((new song, Tulisa – Young)) – love this song
This is flattering, but has put so much pressure on me, which in all honesty i work well under, but what if it comes to exams and i totally fail, since at uni, my track record isnt good.
To me, this kinda proves that getting what you want isnt always what its cracked up to be, im usually the student who everyone thinks is going to fail and then i prove them wrong, it feels wierd to be on the other side of things.
My posts never seem to flow properly or come to a point, it just tends to be me talking about my self and what im feeling, but for me it kinda helps, i sit here and my screen and just start typing, in an attempt to get everything out.
In light of the flattering comments about my supposed exam success, im gonna try and make it come true, i know i work hard and this is what i wanted so i might as well enjoy it, my degree and future career is one of the most difficult to get into and so i need to be the best, I’ve already considered a masters and the entry requirements, so it seems im ambitious.
The next two days im off work, so its gonna be some massive library sessions, and any revision, cant be bad revision.
I’m gonna stop typing gibberish and get back to trashy american t.v whilst i try to sleep, which isnt going to happen.
Much love guys, if nothing at all, i hope this posts provide some entertainment…
Hope you had a fabulous easter break! xx