So I’ve finally got around to writing this after weeks of thinking what to put. Depression is something that has affected many other family members of mine, but I didn’t realise this until I was struck down with it myself. Whenever somebody spoke about their depression to me, I used to feel slightly guilty, as mine was not something that I could explain in any way. Nothing too major had happened to me, it just came one day out of the blue. Looking back now I believe it was something that had been coming for several months, with lots of little things gradually adding up until one day my brain decided it had had enough.
It has been the most frightening time of my life, as I never thought I could have a problem so severe that I couldn’t foresee it ever going away. I felt like nobody in the whole world could understand.
As my depression was also linked with anxiety, it was extremely hard for me to leave my flat and go to university, and even do simple tasks around the house. I think this is what made recovery a lot harder for me. I just couldn’t feel anything anymore, and I lost all connection with my partner at the time and my family and friends. I took a few months off from university, but I was soon to discover that it would take much longer than this for me to feel able to go back and study.
One of the main things to help me was certainly my family, I had as much support and love that anyone can ask for, which made me extremely lucky. I also realised that I had to talk to people, and tell them what I was feeling no matter what. Accepting my condition was a big problem for me, and once I had done this I started to learn to feel again. I personally think my problems started because I had so much anxiety, that my body decided to switch itself off from any sort of feeling, including happiness.
I have just started back in my 4th year at university, and currently doing well. I’m certain that depression will probably be part of my life for a long time, but the key is to take every day as it comes, and learn from what happens in them. I really hope by blogging and chatting about my story can help, even if it is just one person. I feel it is such a harsh condition to live with, and so reading that others have been through the same thing can be quite a comfort.