Hello All
Happy October 😀
The month of Halloween – I have already celebrated and Halloween isn’t officially until next week. lol.

How is everyone? I hope people have settled (back) into university life – it’s hard work isn’t it? :s
I must admit, I have been up, down and around so far this year. I started off with the intentions to keep up with study, work and social life but have fallen short in pretty much all of these facets – the main one that has survived is the social life :p, probably not the best one!!!

My first pitfall was that I fell out with the friends I made in the 1st year. If you have read my introductory blog, you will know that I have been let down by a number of friends and family throughout my life and for this reason I have a 3 strike policy. Unfortunately, this group of friends ran out of strikes! Of course, this was upsetting, I was quite emotional as, despite knowing that friends let you down, when time and feelings are invested, it hurts regardless. BUT positives came out of this breakdown of friendship as I forced myself to step out of my comfort zone and sit in lecture theatres and seminar groups in seats I have not been able to sit in since I was 16. I also hang out with other people on my course who I think want my friendship less for personal gain. THIS MAKES ME HAPPY!!! 😀 In addition, I have honestly been able to see who my real friends are and focus on those relationships, which I am glad about!

My second pitfall – I find once you miss a study session and don’t catch up with it, work tends to build up and now that I am on reading week I have 5 weeks of notes, reading and coursework to catch up on. I am sure I will get through it, but it just adds to the stress. I MUST REMEMBER TO SLEEP!!!! And once I catch up I MUST REMEMBER TO KEEP UP!!!!

My third pitfall – I AM ALWAYS ILL!! My immune system is pretty low after having an operation over the summer holidays and I have so far had the flu, a chest infection and a stomach bug (since September)! 🙁 And I can’t seem to take time off work/uni, no matter how ill I am. I never used to have a problem taking time off anything and now I feel guilty even if I am ill – what’s that about?! I suppose it’s good not to miss any university because that would just give me more to catch up on BUT work?! No harm in that! I guess I just have good work ethic, not a bad thing I suppose!

Luckily, despite these stressors, my mental health seems to be good, in fact I could even say better. I feel like my panic disorder improves every day and I feel happier than I have in a while. Of course I’d be happier if I didn’t have a mound of work on my desk downstairs calling out my name – I hear it through 2 closed doors!!!!
This is odd for me, normally as soon as the weather changes, I feel down and blue and the problems with friends would usually have just sent me into a downward spiral. I can’t say what the change is, maybe it’s a new love in my life (*embarrased face*) or maybe I am just growing up and as I do my depression and panic disorder is becoming easier to manage – who knows!? Either way, I am happy that I have not let things overcome me to such an extent that I shut myself away.

HOWEVER, no panic attacks, no depression and no moping!! I feel like things are going a bit too well and if I’m honest, that in itself worries me because the higher you fly, the harder you fall. Is that a pessimistic, depressive comment?? Probably so!!

Can you guys say the same?? Are things going better than planned? Does it worry you as it worries me?

More to come soon – while you wait, post away 🙂

P.s My thoughts go out to Simon. If you are reading, I hope you get better soon 🙂