30 days has September, April, June and November.  All the rest have 31 except for February, which has 28 days clear and 29 each leap year.

No idea why I felt the need to open with that, but there you go.  Needs must :-S

Anyway, sorry it has taken so long to write another post – I am terrible!  I can’t lie about why either – when I chose to do SAD I vowed to be brutally honest and open about everything.  What’s the point in sharing, if you don’t share it all?!

Febraury has been a terrible month for me, boy am I glad it’s a shorter month – maybe that’s why I felt the need to open with the little poem haha.  I have been tackling very low moods, beginnings of depression, lack of motivation in all aspects of life…..the list goes on!  Of course I know the patterns well, so I haven’t hidden myself away in bed, alone – I am tackling it head on daily with the support of my mum and those I choose to disclose my feelings to (not many people I must admit).  I spoke to my doctor, have put things in place to go and talk to someone and I speak openly to my mentor at university in the meantime.

So, why?  Why the sudden relapse??  Goodness knows!!! I guess that is just life.  People go through life having ups and downs – that’s normal.  Friendships end, which hurts, stress from work and study tires the mind and the body but as so many people have said to me it’s how you recover from these things that shows true inner strength.

Suffering from depression doesn’t define me, the strength I use every day to battle it does!

One thing that I have learnt is that there is no point in questioning why.  Trying to answer questions that can never be truly answered will only worsen and prelong the negativity.  So I try not to question it – roll with the punches, as they say.

I do notice that this time I am more open to speaking about my issues – I guess when I suffered before, albeit much worse, I was ashamed that I could not cope.  I was the one to help others with their problems but refused to let anyone even know that I had problems, let alone help me with them.  Considering that I think that this type pressure was one of the components that led me to suffer from panic and depression, why would I do the same?  Learn from your mistakes Joelle! That’s why we make them right?!

So I trudge on, continue facing each day as it comes.  I have things to look forward to! Rewards that I have planned if I do what I need to – in an aim of getting some of that motivation back.  That’s all I can do really.

I’m fine, I’ll be fine 😀

More soon…