Hi all

How is everyone?

I can safely say I am probably the happiest person alive.  The  academic year is over, exams are done and now it is time to relax and take a breath. Reflect on the year…what could I have done better? What did I do well? Is there anything I excelled at?

All in all I am pretty happy.  Compared to my 1st year I had far less breakdowns, no panic attacks and only 1/2 bouts of low mood. For this reason I am so happy, so proud of myself whatever the results I achieve.

I came to an interesting conclusion tonight at dinner with my mother. I drove myself to panic attacks, anxiety and depression by putting too much pressure on myself and being far too ambitious, yet what pushed me to fight my panic attacks, anxiety and depression was my ambition to do more with my life and achieve. Not everyone has that inner strength, that determination and for that I am proud. I believe that what I suffered from was meant to be..for some reason I was meant to be inflicted with the suffering and internal struggle. And if I am honest,  wouldn’t have it any other way.  I see the world in a different light, I tackle my studies in a different way, I have more appreciation for the simple things, I have more empathy for others.  None of these skills I would trade.

So, I can’t pretend that I didn’t have those breakdowns, moments when I thought I couldn’t continue and I was going to pack it all in and not go to exams because I knew nothing.  Being hard on myself as per usual…having a negative effect.  I don’t think that’s ever going to go away. I just need to be able to cope with it, understand that it is a phase that I go through and tackle it or try to prevent it before it happens.  Do more reading so I am not leaving things to the last minute will be very beneficial for this, and this time I will actually stick to my plan of reading through the summer.  Already started in fact.

Next year I am taking more responsibility at uni.  Heading my own society as well as working part time and doing my uni work. I’m hoping that keeping busy force me to prioritise and manage my workload better.  I think that will help a lot.

So really that is all I can think to say.  How has everyone else found the year? Finding it now? Bloggers comment comment.  I can reply now 😀

Joelle xxx