- This month is quite a daunting one for me, my academic life takes a turn, as I’m now thrown into professional work. Although I know I have the knowledge, my confidence is at an all time low, and it’s very hard to believe I can do things. Nobody ever notices at work or university, and people always say to me that I seem to be a confident bubbly person, so I’m not sure how I manage to hide my shyness. I think I make a lot of jokes to cover it up.
- So I had some bad feedback from one of my rotation leaders at university, which I really didn’t expect. I thought I was on the right lines with things, but apparently not. It doesn’t really matter too much, but I always take criticism seriously, and try to improve on things. So it’s been quite an exhausting month trying to better myself. Sometimes I’ve learned that I have to accept who I am, and accept there are limitations to what I can/should change. A lot of my depression comes from lack of confidence in myself, and that’s one of the hardest things for me to change.
- Things seem to be getting better with my rotations, I had quite a hard one this month and managed to come out of it with good marks. It’s nice to know that my revising is starting to pay off, and when people ask me questions I know the answers.
- Something unexpected happened this month, a relationship developed that I didn’t expect to, and it’s amazing how much it’s uplifted my mood. I also think I need to be careful, because in the past I have put far too much into relationships and it’s ended up ruining them. I’ve been trying not to worry so much about these things, but I seem to just be a constant worrier. I also thought about going to my university counsellor this week, but I backed out at the last minute. I’ve been finding it difficult to express my feelings lately, it’s as if I clam up and refuse to let it out. Hopefully I’ll get the courage to go again. However, a dear friend passed away early this month, and it came as a complete shock. I’ve never dealt with the death of a friend before, but we all seemed to pull together as friends. I think being there for the others has helped me greatly.
- Things seem to be looking up. I feel much more settled in myself, and in life. I haven’t had as many nervous upset stomachs, or stress headaches. I don’t know if it’s because I’m finally settling into rotations, and feeling more confident with my knowledge, or I’m learning how to deal with it better. Things still crop up every now and again, but instead of running away from problems I’m beginning to face them, and the feeling of over coming a situation is something I can’t describe. Fingers crossed it stays this way!