I was actually wondering how Christmas would hit me this year, as the past 2 Christmas’s haven’t been too amazing. This year however seems to be different! There are always arguments at this time of year, and I also have to do some extra work this year, but there are no familiar feelings of desperation or isolation. It’s great because I always worry about when it’s going to go bad again, and a few weeks ago I had a minor set back. I thought it was back for good. Maybe because I’ve done it all before it was slightly easier this time, to just get up and go to uni and to focus on happy things. When things get bad I spend a lot of time talking to my mum back home, and I’m anxious it takes up a lot of her time, but she never moans about it, so I’m incredibly lucky to have that kind of support. There were a few mornings where I didn’t bother to get up, and just stayed in the dark, but after several days of doing so I realised I had to keep going. And also some amazing news, I passed my Christmas exams!
I was thinking that perhaps my anxieties and depression might not show they’re ugly faces again, and so it’s a little disappointing having to admit they’ve been present, but this feels like the best Christmas I’ve had in years, so overall I would call this month a success!
Speak soon guys!:)
A Charlie Waller Memorial Trust project
in memory of Matthew Wood and