The past month hasn’t been too amazing, there’s been a few days where I’ve literally not got out of bed. I think my anxiety levels have slowly been rising, and a few nights I’ve woken up and had a full panic attack. I’m moving forward pretty quickly with my studies, and I’m suddenly expected to know everything, which is pretty scary. Trying to maintain a level of calmness, especially when I’m around others has been my challenge this month, and I’d like to say it’s becoming easier but it’s not. What is strange is that usually when I’m like this I tend to head home, away from university, but this time I wanted to stay and be around my flatmates. I’m not sure if it’s because they take my mind off it, or because they’re supportive of my depression/anxiety. The past week has been especially hard as everybody seems to have problems that I want to help with, but I wish it had fallen in a week where I could actually be of help to them. What kicks off my depression is trying to do everything for everybody, so I forget to do things for my self sometimes, so I do think I’m learning to accept that I can’t do everything.
There has also been quite a lot of good news, so trying to stay positive and focus on those things. I am going home soon, back to my parents house, and usually I love the idea of seeing my family but it’s giving me a sense of dread and panic and I don’t know why. I think I like to have my own space, and like to do my own thing, but it hurts terribly because my family are amazing people and I shouldn’t be feeling this way about going home.
Have been thinking about going back on some anxiety medication, or maybe just going back to talk to my doctor. Hopefully won’t have to, we’ll see how it goes:)
Speak soon guys
A Charlie Waller Memorial Trust project
in memory of Matthew Wood and