The Comeback moment of the year, or at least of my year!
I have just read your comments, from Mina, Harry and Rob…Your comments were so so appreciated and has meant the world to me. They really really have helped me to battle through, so i really hope you know how much they have meant to me.
Firstly, I am still continuing my weekly sessions with my therapist, she is an absolute wonder and OMG, every session, she provides me with a bottle of coke. What more could you ask for?
(Coke is my all time favourite drink, thought we needed a point of clarification)
The sessions have been going really well and they have helped me come to terms with my sexuality a little better, i was always comfortable being gay, and i wake up everyday loving the fact that im an open gay man, part of a community that is freely accepting of all. But when it came to my HIV scare, i blamed my sexuality and wished for a few months that i could renounce it.
Something which i now feel guilty about, especially since i learnt that HIV transmission is higher in straight to straight…So, win for gay people!
I haven’t self-harmed in 3 months, as of yesterday. Since, i started feeling bouts of depression, i never thought i would of self-harmed as i never thought things would get “that bad”, however, for those in that situation, it certainly is understandable. I luckily only have a few little scars which bears a constant reminder of what i have come through.
Drinking wise, i have remained as sober as possible, i do not feel like i have to resort to total sobriety as A. Full time student and B. I do not have a problem with alcohol….which sounds ironic.
I understand my limits, and my drinking does not negatively impact my studies nor work, so i have gone out more and become more inegrated into university life, so things on this side have certainly improved.
Before I carry on, I would like to happily announce that I am not HIV+. There was an emotional telling to family, but it was an amazing feeling.
I also have not got intimate with any other person since this scare or since i found out the good news, as of yet, i do not feel strong enough to risk my health in a sexual arrangement, although i have always been safe, i just feel it isnt the right time.
On the academic front, i certainly have bounced back, due to copious amounts of effort in the library, To date, I have completed and passed 4 modules with three 1sts and one 2.1.
Grades i had never expected to acheive after the initial fiasco.
When i found out my grades i was so over the moon, I cannot really describe the feeling, it re-affirmed my belief that i can actually do this, i can actually work and fight for the life I’ve always wanted. *strong believer of meritocracy btw*
I have never wanted to beleive that i couldnt have the life i wanted simply because of the background i came from, to some, i was pre-determined to live my life, at worst, on benefits, and at best, in a dead end job going nowhere.
something, i will happily bet my life on will never happen to me.
To end, it is the easter holidays and im enjoying some peace and quiet away from everyone as I am the only person left in my flat, university is dead, and im actually enjoying library time and being away from everyone.
To Everyone, I hope the past few months have been kind, I’m gonna read through some now and post some comments, this year has been far more interactive and im loving that, it is so nice to work with some of you on this brilliant project.
All the best for everyone,
Love Pete xxxxx